Home

Trapped here so long it started to feel like home.
Blinded by love and hope and the desire to save a lost soul.
But those who do not wish for salvation can not be saved.
And I have lost myself along the way.  None of this is right.
A mockery of all that should have been, but never was.
The winds have shifted, carrying heartbreaking truth to my door.
This is not my home.  This is not my place.  This is not my destiny.
My light has been held captive for far too long.
Thoughts such as these echo throughout my fevered mind.
In perpetual torment, I cry out, but silence is my only reply.
I open my mouth to speak, yet the words fall from my lips unheard.
Doubt, insecurity, shame, and crippling anguish muting my voice.
Still I try to communicate through song, and lyric and poem.
Pouring my heart out the best I know how, praying for release.
But the silence remains, deafening, and I can’t help but wonder.
Does anybody really hear me?  Does anybody really care to? 
Does it really matter?  The pain of others is always so much more urgent.
A call that can not be ignored, and one that I would not even if I could.
So I carry on, bleeding internally but smiling on the surface.
Carrying the sorrows of the world upon my shoulders.
While my own eat me alive from the inside out.
I have done this for so long, I am weary of the facade. 
But if I rest, I fear I will never awake, and will be lost here forever.
Where does the healer retreat to when they are the one needing healed?
Home.  That’s where.  I’ve waited so very long to find where I belong.
I need to find myself.  I need to reclaim my light.  I need to go Home.
 
©  Lady Jennith Lynn